the conversation
Thursday 04.12.12 
yesterday i read this article by ashley judd (please, take just a minute to read it if you haven't already). it really struck a chord with me and then later in the day i stumbled across this pin, which reminded me of a comment thread i'd read on this pin.
as someone who has weighed 35 lbs more than i do now, who gains and loses the same 5 lbs at least three times over the course of every year, who very clearly struggles with body image and weight, this hit home. first, i was appalled by the language and criticism these people put on ashley and the girls in those pins. but then, in reflection, i realized that i have done the same thing- not in the same manner, but equally poisonous. i have definitely speculated about celebrities having work done, made a mental note of an acquaintance who put on some weight, at times felt more pride when i am complimented for my looks than when i'm complimented for my talent. this is all hard to admit, and not something i do lightlly.
i'm critical of myself on a daily basis. there's not a time that i look in the mirror that the running voice in my head (i have MAJOR monkey mind) doesn't nag me about my skin, my arms, my thighs, (i am currently a size 2 and almost 5'8"...i know on a rational level that i can't possibly be FAT, but that's not what the monkey mind tells me). my inner voice can be cruel, ruthless, and unforgiving in it's criticisms of my body. left unchecked, it can be devastating.
and i finally understand where those people are coming from, the ones who are making all of the comments on pins, in magazines and web sites,or just in their thoughts. it's what we've been trained to do to ourselves and to others, and i think it's become far too acceptable. the message we send when we aggressively criticize someone else is that none of us is really ok. we are all "too" something...and we need to change that dialogue. fortunately, it's something that i think can change, and I'm hopeful that it will.
i'm making it my mission to start holding that running voice in my head more accountable. i'm going to challenge the thoughts that pop up in my head: both about myself and about others. i will be attempting to re-train my monkey mind to be more kind, compassionate, accepting and loving to myself and others.
this was not an easy post to write, i feel vulnerable and like i've just exposed a very personal weakness. but i think that's important, especially if it will fuel this conversation. thank you so much for reading, for all of your feedback and kindness, it means the world to me.
* the amazing illustration above is by gemma correll and could be made for me, i love it so much.
Reader Comments (25)
I don't comment often on posts because for some reason that also makes me feel vulnerable and that I might be picked apart for my words or ideas, but this, this really struck home with me, too. I am often shocked that we are so hard on each other and bully one another for being "too" this or that and I think social media has just accelerated the problem. People seem willing to type things they would not be willing to say, but the impact is just as damaging and the reach can be so much further...Thank you for such a poignant post.
I love this post Sarah and think that it strikes a cord with most of us. thanks for taking such a bold step and sharing. xo
Well put Sarah and something I know I also need to work on - your post helped to articulate for me what it is I want to do and how I need to take that first step towards change to being kinder not just to others but also myself.
great post Sarah, I wish more people echo'd your honesty and viewpoint here. I have afeeling in the next few years we will all see a huge shift in public opinion on what is attractive and a focus on health vs. appearance
thank you so much everyone! and mike, i hope you're right! i would love to see our mental energy shifted from obsessing over how we look to being thoughtful about our actions/mindset/health. let's do it!
My husband and I took a trip to France last year. On our second to last evening in Nice we had dinner at am Italian restaurant. There were two women seated next to us who were speaking a foreign language which I happen to be fluent in. The second we sat down the two women proceeded tearing me to shreds with judgements and assumptions obviously never thinking that theres a chance I might understand them. They were saying very mean things about my weight and all the unhealthy things I must be doing to maintain it (I'm a size 2-4, 5"8, the same, healthy weight I've been my whole life), commenting on my food order (pasta and a salad), that theres no way that man sitting with me is my husband (implying I am a call girl) This continued the entire evening with them having no idea I understood every single word. The final straw came when we finished dinner and they started giggling that it's time for me to run to the bathroom and throw up all the food I just ate. At that point I couldn't control myself and had to say something...they were shocked that I spoke their language but didn't even attempt to apologize, not that I expected them to. I know I'm not supposed to take what other people think of me to heart but hearing what two WOMEN were thinking about me completely uncensored was so hurtful that I had to rush out of the restaurant because I had tears in my eyes. That day I made a promise to myself to NEVER AGAIN be judgemental of another woman whether she be a celebrity or an acquaintance, based on her looks or anything else. As women we should offer each other support and understanding not judgement. Sorry for the rambling comment, but I felt it was appropriate to share, thanks for writing such a thoughtful post :)
Kate
www.theforgetfulwife.com
Sarah, thank you for this post - so many of us struggle with our self image and with that monkey in our minds, some days I feel like I can't get mine to leave me alone! You verbalized so well what I've been thinking / feeling as Ashley's response to the media became public. I'm definitely making an effort to focus my inner voice on the positive aspects I see in myself and in others. xo!
I have been putting off a lifestyle session owed to me from another photographer for years because I'm not the weight I want to be, my teeth aren't white enough, my hair isn't long enough.... the excuses run long. I am just going to do it. book it and love me for right now. thanks for the post sarah. xox